Hisashiburi desuuuuuu :) — if i'm lost then how can i find myself?

I’ve been really really struggling with the need to diary, blog, post, speak to myself, instrospect, self-therapy or whatever i want to call it. Even regardless of the amount of brain dump and overtime I have been working lately, i have really made so many damn excuses to just…...do it. chasing perfection is not an excuse to not do anything. wanting things to be not just good but amazing is pointless if you dont actually……do anything. It has been a really tough mental roadblock to get past when i think of the immensity of how much my backlog is with not just self talk, but posting photos. there are so many words i want to attach to my photos and so many emotions i want to convey, not in any primary way to show others, but to keep a paper trail of the mastermind i have that is constantly leaving me every time i discover a new hyperfocus of the week. slow down bro. i need to take like two days off and just…yeah. i know deep down, photography, especially film photography is something i discovered about myself that is always in a way outside of my comfort zone (since i’m infinitely far from an end game or perfection) because it requires me to be even more present in the moment to find beauty in attention to detail and how the now inspires me. It also pushes me to seek new places even when I’m not “in the mood.” Most importantly, it really has been the literal best avenue for me to introspect and communicate (love) to myself. Why don’t….i just….do it? It points in so many right directions but I still find myself stopping short of it. I write more? My life improves because the better I can speak to myself, the better i can speak to Dora. I write more? Not just the more, but the quality in which i speak to Dora (and of course others, but Dora is my world), is waaay better. I write more? The more I know how I am truly feeling and what I truly want to do with my now, my tomorrow, my next week, my next whenever. Self reflection is like a tether that holds all the different weights of great and bad things in my life, and any of these weights can lift or sinks the attached weights as one gets pulled in either direction. I need to stop delaying these races 10 feet before the finish line. From this point forward, I want to truly, want to live the stoic wisdom that Kobe taught me (yes i believe you can be mentored by the dead') is this needs to be my next true non negotiable contract to self. I want to love better, I love being loved, I love giving love, this contract is easy. Signed. Sealed. Delivered. The positive boundary I seek to set with this is not the negative perspective of immense “TO DO LIST” but the celebration of how fucking sweet it feels to express what I love, because no one else has that honor of a chance besides me! It is only SWEETER the sooner I savor the feelings when they are ripe. Harvest away, Slay away bro. Time is soooo finite and I’m so blessed and why not take the time to appreciate my blessings? It’s an AWESOME thing for me to give my friends, family, dora something to appreciate and understand how much Jon really cares about and loves them. i’m EXCITED to show my friends i love them. it NEVER gets old. it only fills me …deeper …mmmm…That’s my new positive boundary.

ps love you and thank you for all the patience alessio silas shuhe-san nobuhiro-san kimura-san miki-san taka-san yamada-san kevin the posts are otw

these pictures coming up are from a photo shoot i had planned for a bit to give dora’s family (most especially her parents) a nice little break from the stress of life and do something fun and happy that with the entire family. it is also deep down a form of me trying to show how much i appreciate dora and the family that lovingly adopted me as one of their own. i feel honored to be tangled up in this family and tethered to their feelings. Anyways, Silas was an incredible friend and kindly offered to take the photos of the family. check him out at SILAS CHU he’s an unreal friend and photographer at the same time. love being around him because he lifts me up so much with the way he blossoms through life. These next shots were shot on a Contax T2D on mostly Cinestill 400D with some Portra 800 frames at the end.

silas taking the old 0.95 canon for a whirl

if you could only see them dancing to red sun by hack lee in the iterims

such an aesthetic family with this aesethic film border

love when the movement blurs cuz of smiles, such an honor to have my shutter speeds beat

dora'‘s mom is always ready for a photo 24/7, what a natural

just some casual yoga . bikram been real quiet since this pic came out

vert selfie mirror pic with the wifey lookin fresh

kneelin’ for tha shot. thank you silas patella

really wanted to get some saved by the bell yearbook hands on the stool between tha legs film

some monday flowers for dora and some sunshine for tsuki

just felt ben’s GAP AF outfit was meant to be with this hangar rack.

welcome to GAP can i help you find your size?

M2 back from daggy with a little anniversary meter…kinda bummed it isn’t made in Japan though

The photos below here are Portra 800